Hilarious email- but I don't think I'll share it with Siamak for another 5.5 years.It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue and incredible financial sacrifice beyond comprehension that we invite you to join us as our wonderful son
Jacob Adam
is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Saturday, May 12 (yes, we realize it's Mother's Day weekend)
Temple Israel
at the ungodly hour of 9:00 am (even though you don't really need to be there until 10:20 am to catch the real action.)
If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush - it's just cookies and cake - and join us instead for an overly large and ostentatious Kosher (my husband's idea) evening meal, which starts at 7:00 pm at
Birchwood Country Club
(which we had to join just for this event and you would not believe the initiation fees)
You will be in the presence of lots of boisterous and expensive entertainment and 60-70 unruly pre-teens wearing expensive dresses, funny hats, fake bling and brand new white ankle socks as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults with lots of Botox and REAL bling.
At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged, while others will act stupid while under the influence. ALL will complain about the food.
Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending, or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show. Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date. I can't take the stress.
The gift of choice is either green or contains a routing and accounting number. "Off the top of your head" gifts and Gift Cards are a waste of your time and ours.
Hope you can make it!
The Millers oh, and BYO Yalmulka. I don't have the strength
Jacob Adam
is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Saturday, May 12 (yes, we realize it's Mother's Day weekend)
Temple Israel
at the ungodly hour of 9:00 am (even though you don't really need to be there until 10:20 am to catch the real action.)
If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush - it's just cookies and cake - and join us instead for an overly large and ostentatious Kosher (my husband's idea) evening meal, which starts at 7:00 pm at
Birchwood Country Club
(which we had to join just for this event and you would not believe the initiation fees)
You will be in the presence of lots of boisterous and expensive entertainment and 60-70 unruly pre-teens wearing expensive dresses, funny hats, fake bling and brand new white ankle socks as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults with lots of Botox and REAL bling.
At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged, while others will act stupid while under the influence. ALL will complain about the food.
Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending, or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show. Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date. I can't take the stress.
The gift of choice is either green or contains a routing and accounting number. "Off the top of your head" gifts and Gift Cards are a waste of your time and ours.
Hope you can make it!
The Millers oh, and BYO Yalmulka. I don't have the strength
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